My 3 Rules for Helping People
After almost 18 years working with people in the fitness and wellness fields, I’ve come up with my 3 ground rules for helping clients while taking care of my own wellbeing.
- Walk the Walk: I pride myself on this one. I have never and will never ask a client to do anything I don’t do myself. I set goals, I figure out what’s holding me back, I make a plan, I hire people to help me. I also fail, get discouraged, and start again. My life is a journey to become healthy and whole in all areas of my life. I hope to help people along the way in some of the areas I’ve figured out. I never give advice on a subject I know nothing about or I’m still working on myself. I stay in my lane.
- Ask Questions and Listen: When I went from group fitness instructor to fulltime personal trainer, I assumed I would tell clients what they had to do to reach their goals, they would follow my advice on exercise, nutrition, and overall wellbeing (after all they were paying me for this), and I would have a wall of successful before and after photos. But that’s not what happened. Week after week clients came back reporting that they hadn’t done their workouts or implemented anything we talked about the previous session. Why? I realized there was a lot more going on than just teaching people how to deadlift and count calories. Giving them more information wasn’t helping them. Instead of reading about the latest fitness trends, I studied motivation, psychology, coaching techniques, and different personality types (my favorites to use are the Four Tendencies and the Doshas). Rather than telling clients what to do, I learned to ask the right questions and listen. I help clients figure out what’s holding them back, what strategies will move them forward, and what steps they are willing to make. A good program the client follows is better than the perfect program they quit or never start.
- Let go: Full disclosure, I’m still working on this. I put my heart into every client and student. That’s why it’s so disappointing when new clients give up after only a month or two or students disappear after a couple classes. I know this work takes a lifetime and I know they will be successful if they commit to it. But I can’t want it for them. It’s hard not to take it personally when clients aren’t reaching their goals. I wonder what I could have done better. But then I remind myself that I see them 1-2 hours out of 168 hours each week. I have done all I can and I’m not responsible for what they are (or aren’t) doing the other 99.9% of the time. And, on the other hand, when clients share their victories: losing weight, PR’ing their squat, reducing medications, eliminating pain, having the confidence, inner strength, and patience to accomplish a big life goal, I feel victorious myself. But I remind myself that if I were the secret ingredient to their success, then all of my clients would be success stories. Every client is on their own journey and I’m working to help them the best I can, but ultimately, it’s on them. They have to do the work.
Are you a helping professional or caretaker? What are your ground rules? How do you take care of yourself so you can better care for others?
Alicia Cross is a Certified Personal Trainer, Wellness Coach, and Yoga Instructor with more than 17 years’ experience working with clients in classes and one-on-one. She is a yogi, meditator, vegan, and lifter of heavy things. If you’re ready to discover the strength and peace that comes from within, email Alicia@AliciaCrossTraining.com.
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