I few years ago, I started to feel “not like myself.” I chalked it up to “stress.” I figured I was burnout from work. While I love the teaching, coaching, and training side of what I do, running a small business (during a pandemic no less) is tiring. Then I found myself asking questions like “what is the point of all this?”. Fortunately, I discovered some helpful resources that shed light on why I was feeling this way. Some of it was hormonal changes that happen to us women over 40. Some of it was baggage and stories I’ve been carrying. Some of it was misconceptions about what it means to be stressed and to feel happy. Some it was, well, the patriarchy. If you’re a woman over 40 and any of this resonates with you, read these 6 books.

The Upside of Stress: Why Stress is Good for You and How to Get Good at It by Kelly McGonigal PhD

While this book isn’t exclusively for women over 40, it will change the way you think about midlife stress. We’ve been told repeatedly that stress kills. This book, backed by solid research, tells a different story. Not all stress is harmful. And you’re not getting it wrong simply because you feel “stressed.” The goal is NOT to have a stress-free life because a meaningful life IS stressful.

Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle by Emily Nagowski PhD and Amelia Nagoski

With concepts like “human givers” vs “human takers” (guess which one most women are) and “the bikni-industrial complex,” The Nagoski sisters illustrate how society (i.e. the patriarchy) is causing burnout in women. This book will inspire you to start a revolution in your own life by noticing when you are internalizing these messages and expectations and by prioritizing your own self-care.

Next Level: Your Guide to Kicking Ass, Feeling Great, and Crushing Goals Through Menopause by Stacy T. Sims PhD

While this book was written for the over 40 endurance athlete, all active women (or women ready to start exercising in mid-life) need to read this book. You’ll understand the perimenopause transition, the how strength training can help you now, and what other tools are available. If you haven’t been listening to your trainer  (lift heavy, eat more protein, trade long cardio for short high-intensity interval training (HIIT), and stop skipping breakfast), this book will convince you!  The best reasons to read this book are that it affirms your experience, it reminds you you’re not alone, and it empowers you to make positive changes right now.

Midlife: A Philosophical Guide by Kiernan Setiya

Whether it’s age or hormonal changes (see the previous book), if you’re starting to question life, Setiya reassures you that you’re exactly where you’re supposed to be. This book is the Universe’s way of saying “Welcome, we’ve been waiting for you.” Setiya explains we feel so disappointed because obsessively crossing items off the to-do list only to rush to the next thing is no longer fulfilling. He offers some practical tips, like meditation and mindfulness and engaging in activities for their own intrinsic pleasure (rather than as a means to an end). You’ll feel reassured that life gets better again so no need to go into full crisis mode and burn it all to the ground.

Loving What is: Four Questions that Can Change Your Life by Byron Katie

Your thoughts are not reality, but they will cause suffering. In this book, Katie will teach you the 4 questions and the turn-arounds, or what she calls “the work.” You’ll learn how to question the most difficult and distressing thoughts you have. It’s uncomfortable. But if you want relief from the stories you’ve been telling yourself your whole life, this is the way.

The Power of Meaning: Crafting a Life that Matters by Emily Esfahani Smith

I loved this book so much, I bought the hard copy after listening to the audio book so I could savor it. Smith shares touching stories to explain that meaning and happiness are not the same thing.

Read or listen to these books to change your mindset and to learn how to better navigate this next phase of life. For women over 40, life is different, but it’s not over!

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